Transgender and Intersex Health

[kilidala]

Hi,

I was born a female, but have longed to be a male for most of my life. I moved to the USA when I was 23. In my former country males were held in a high esteem. I am not sure whether my desire to be a male is only culture based and a response to my father's open regret for not having a son, or if I am really a transgender person. Does anyone know how to tell?

When I was 8 or 9, I used to dress as a boy and would tell strangers that I was a boy. Even my parents went along with it a few times, thinking it was just a phase. I always hated being a girl, despised my female body, felt ashamed of it and kept wondering why all girls didn't long to be boys. For a few months, when I was 9, I used a long rubber tube, cut out from a baloon, to urinate. I just longed to be a male.

People telling me that my desire was strange and abnormal made me back off from my desire to be a male. I settled into a female role from age 13 on. I never sexually desired females. Actually, I despised them.

I am now 44 and married with 3 children (9, 12, and 14). If I did not have kids, I would have changed my sex in a heartbeat. Besides my family, I have no relatives in the USA. So, it would have been easy for me to move somewhere where nobody knew me and to start a new life as a man. However, because of my children I feel trapped. It looks like I'll die as a woman and be unhappy in this respect for the rest of my life. If it would be easier for me if I knew if my desire were culturally based or not. Thanks for any help.

[AmyAlenholy]

Yes, I think you are. You have wanted to be a boy for as long as you can remember, used to tell people you were a boy, hate your female parts, and you probably fantasize about being male as well.

If you are ready, find a therapist that works with Gender Identification Disorder (GID).