[livingwith]

No one knew. No one knew for a long time that I wasn’t the little girl they saw. I even tried to hide things from myself, telling my self that things would be better if… Or that I’d be happy with my life once blah blah blah happened.
I knew that something was wrong but I had no exposure. I didn’t know WHAT was wrong. Once when I was 5, I saw my cousin (I’ll call him S here) naked in the bath. I asked my uncle why I didn’t have a penis like S. My uncle though...Read the full article

[Samantha]

Wow! That is really transgender. As I grew up {as a male} I just felt confused and couldn't figure out what was wrong. I felt that "when I grow up, things will be different, I'll be a man" but it never happened. My young life was miserable, tried suicide at 7, couldn't figure out why I was different, and couldn't create friendships with boys or girls. At 10 I started dressing in my mothers clothes. She would have killed me if she ever found out, but I couldn't stop doing it. It was the only time I felt at ease. Life was a whirlpool for a long time fraught with depression and confusion. Started a business and worked myself into exhaustion. One day, still waiting to "grow up to be a man" I was about 30, when I suddenly realised I wasn't a man at all ! Great for a while, then the guilt, depression, more suicide attempts. Sh@@t what a life it took years, I never found anyone I felt I could totally confide in. I'm in my 50's had a heart attack, died & came back. Now I'm content a feel worth while, Amazing what a near death experience can do to make you realise who you are.
Could waffle on for hours, but I better get back to work,

regards,

Samantha